Breaking the Silence: Navigating Mental Health in a Household of Denial

ATLANTA– Like drowning, a person who is struggling with their mental health can often be silent. In some cases, culture and beliefs reinforce that silence.

Maria Silva, a 21-year-old student at Berry College, has struggled with her mental health for a large portion of her life to date. For a long time, she felt as though she could not advocate for herself to gain the help she needed, due to her parents’ beliefs about mental health.

“I think my parents knew that there were certain disorders when it came to mental health,” Silva said. “But they also had the mindset of: ‘Yes it exists, but not in my family.’”

Silva is a first generation Brazilian American. Although she acknowledges that her parents’ perception of mental health was much better than other parents with the same cultural ties in the sense that they at least acknowledged the existence of mental health deficits, it wasn’t enough.

“My parents were, shockingly, a bit ahead of the curve than a lot of other members of the Brazilian community,” Silva said. “My friends’ parents were very much on the ‘it’s not real’ side.”

At the age of 12, Silva finally said something about her mental health to an adult she trusted. The person told her parents and advised putting her in therapy. Unfortunately, Silva’s parents dismissed the revelation.

“My dad told me that everybody gets sad and that I didn’t need therapy,” Silva said.

It wasn’t until she hit an undeniable rock bottom in her sophomore year of high school that she was finally taken to a therapist and psychiatrist who diagnosed her with clinical depression and put her on medication.

22-year-old Peter Morris shares a similar story as Silva’s and many other people growing up in households that dismiss the existence of psychological health. However, his story is slightly different.

Morris was adopted from Russia, at the age of two, into a conservative Georgian family. Like Silva, he struggled with his mental health for a long time, but his parents were unwilling to acknowledge his pain.

“My family is white, Southern, and Christian,” Morris said. “The concept of mental health is not exactly taken seriously.”

Morris often struggles to pinpoint the exact cause of the anxiety he often experiences, but says it could possibly be due to some aspects of his adoption.

“I was adopted at quite a young age, so all the parts of life I remember have all been here,” He said. “I do have an anxious attachment style in relationships, always worrying about whether or not someone will leave me, and I wonder if it is connected to me being adopted.”

Regardless of the source, depression and anxiety are things that Morris says he has struggled with for years and because of his family’s views on the subject, he has avoided going to them for help at times when his mental struggles worsen.

But what is it that pushes so many cultures and individuals to deny mental health?

Chinyere Ezukanma, a Nigerian-American psychologist and therapist, says it may be due, in part, to the lack of acknowledgment of trauma that persists in many immigrant households, and in generations preceding Millennials.

“Millennials are kind of the first generation to acknowledge mental health and its effects,” Ezukanma says. “For many immigrant parents and people of older generations, there is this belief that trauma is just a part of life, and you just need to get over it.”

Ezukanma believes the idea of ‘just getting over it’ stems from the refusal to accept that instance is traumatic.

“A lot of parents have been through unacknowledged trauma themselves,” She says. “But oftentimes, for various reasons, they don’t take the time to process those traumatic experiences, and expect their children to do the same. They also don’t acknowledge the impact their experiences have on them and, for the most part, pass it on to their kids.”

As research on the psychological impacts of trauma and mental health have emerged, younger generations have begun to take their mental well-being more seriously. For them there is no ‘just getting over it’, they choose to deal with it instead.

For Silva, dealing with her mental health, outside of medication and working with her therapist, entails many small things that she includes in her life and daily schedule.

“I find that I work best with a set schedule,” Silva says. “Everyday, I get back from class, relax for an hour, change, have a snack then go study.”

In addition to adhering to her daily regimen, Silva says she finds expressing her emotions to also be very helpful. While some people journal or paint, Silva makes mini vlogs on her phone of her venting. 

She also says that sometimes if she feels she needs to cry, but can’t find the tears to do so, she listens to sad music to push her to the point where she can release her emotions in a steady flow of tears.

“Sometimes all you really need is a good cry,” She said.

While Morris still struggles from time to time with his mental health, he is currently looking for a therapist. He also says a change of scenery was helpful to him.

“Last year I moved to New York,” Morris said. “I find myself being a lot happier here since I can’t wallow in my apartment all day, and everywhere you go there’s someone new to talk to, even if it’s just saying ‘hello’ to someone in the lobby.”

As far as parents who still refuse to acknowledge the existence and magnitude of mental health go, Ezukanma says many of them need therapy themselves.

“I think a lot of parents need to seek professional help,” She says. “A lot of them need it, but because they are blind to the existence of mental health, it’s unlikely that’s going to happen, and that’s unfortunate.”